In my last post, I wrote about needing to cut back at work, and how my brain was not tolerating the workload of increased hours. Josh, in no uncertain terms, said he needed me to cut back my hours because he wanted his wife back. Now, he is starting to wonder if having a zombie wife was such a bad thing.

Years ago, I wrote a post about music, and how as a lifelong singer (in the shower, in the car, in the kitchen, in school, at work, etc), brain injury took music away from me. Before my brain injury, I constantly had a song playing in my head, like my own personal radio station. After my brain injury, it stopped. There was no music in my head. In fact, every sound was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even listen to music. All I wanted was silence. Even now, after 5 years, when my brain is overworked the music still stops.

When Josh said he wanted his wife back, I don’t think he anticipated the dancing and singing while playing Kelly Clarkson’s “Under the Mistletoe” on repeat that is now traumatizing him. As I reminded him that it was his idea for me to cut back my hours at work, he told me he hoped to get his wife back and not Kelly Clarkson. As much as it might drive him crazy, he does recognize the dramatic difference reducing my hours has made, even after just two weeks.

This year, it may be hard to find joy. When most people around the globe can’t partake in their “normal” traditions, it can be difficult to look forward to the holidays. Due to COVID, people with brain injury will get a reprieve from navigating social gatherings. Back in 2016, I wrote about how hard the holidays can be for people with brain injury – with lots of people, multiple conversations, decorations, and music, all leading to sensory overstimulation. Ironically, I am now to a point where I would actually look forward to those parties if we could safely have them. Since we can’t, I am trying to find ways to make it feel a little more like Christmas. Recently, I drove down to see my grandmother through the sliding glass door of her apartment, the whole time wishing I could give her a big hug. Then I strung lights and hung snowflakes across her patio. It is a season of giving and it is amazing how decorating her patio got me in the Christmas spirit. We put up our own decorations that night, and I’ve been wrapping presents and listening to Christmas music. Josh and I even bought each other presents this year (which we normally don’t do), just to make it feel a little more special.

If you aren’t sitting down, you might want to sit down to read this part…or maybe you should stand up so you don’t fall out of your chair. This is the first time in 5 years that I have been enjoying all the Christmas lights again, which is pretty amazing. Last year they finally didn’t make me nauseous, but this year, I think they are beautiful and festive. Now I’m not saying I’m heading down to Zoo Lights, or the Botanical Gardens – Blossoms of Light show (and not just because of COVID), but I was actually thinking it would be fun to drive around with some hot chocolate and go look at some of the extra festive light displays around town.

It is easy to get disappointed and caught up in all the ways COVID has altered our plans and traditions this year, but that won’t make anything better. Reach out to your loved ones, leave a surprise gift, pour yourself a mug of hot cider, and maybe even queue up Spotify to play a little “Under the Mistletoe” on repeat. Go out and create a little joy for yourself this season.

-Kristin