This past weekend was the Desert Rats 50k in Fruita, and it was the most fun I’ve had at a race in a long time. In the months before COVID, I had been training hard, running four 50ks between January and March 2020. After it became clear the COVID lockdowns weren’t going to simply be an inconvenience for a few weeks, I really lost my training mojo. It all seemed pretty pointless. My May 2020 race entry for the Bryce Canyon 100 miler rolled over to 2021, but by that point 100 miles was far more than I was willing to prepare for, and even the 50 mile distance I dropped down to was a stretch. I suffered through that race, wondering why I subject myself to the torture. A couple months ago, my experience at Black Canyon 100k wasn’t much better. Although I was well trained, the heat made for a lot of miles of misery and things didn’t turn out the way I had planned.
My recent bad experience at Black Canyon 100k made Desert Rats 50k that much better. After Black Canyon, my new coach had been focused on making sure I was completely recovered before we started the next big training push. We had kept things relatively easy. The day before the race my coach told me “I want you to race and see where you are at”. Part of me was a little disappointed, because I had so many friends heading to the race and I had looked forward to a long social run catching up with friends. I managed to convince my friend Kristi that she could totally keep up if I was racing it, because even if she hadn’t been running big miles, she is just naturally faster than I am and it was great to have her company.
The course was so much better than expected, with two big climbs and a lot of fun, rolling, flowy singletrack. There were gorgeous views along the canyon, lots of early spring greenery and the occasional pop of color from the desert flowers. I don’t know how many times Kristi or I said, “this is so beautiful!” I’m not sure how I have missed doing this race until now, but it is one I would highly recommend.
It has been a long time since I felt like everything came together on race day. I felt amazing as we pushed the pace on the last 6 miles, flying past people on the descent to the finish and loving every minute. Now of course you can argue that if I had that much left at the end I should’ve gone faster earlier in the race, but that was the point. I needed a good race. I needed to pace smart, take care of my nutrition and hydration, and remember how much fun it can be to finish strong. Desert Rats has plenty of rocky sections, and I was super proud of myself that I was able to maintain a good pace since running technical trail is definitely a weakness. Kristi ran the whole thing with me and told me she hadn’t seen me run that fast downhill before. She isn’t wrong. Often the fear of falling, and the risk of hitting my head again, leaves me coasting the downhills. After the last aid station, I put in my earbuds, partly for inspiration and partly to practice running with music, since I’ve never been able to use music in a race before (that is a lot for my brain to process at once). The music proved to be an excellent distraction, preventing me from overthinking the technical terrain. I was jamming out to my favorite running playlist, trusting my legs to keep me upright as we charged the downhills.
Every year since my brain injury I have continued to see improvement. Running those trails at faster paces was a big deal for me, doing it while listening to music was an even bigger deal! But that is just one of my big accomplishments so far this year. A couple of weeks ago I watched a movie. Let me correct that – I watched a movie in a theater. Wait, one more time – I watched a movie in a theater, and I enjoyed it. Now many of you might think that is not blog post-worthy, and if so, you clearly are new to this blog. I haven’t been to a theater in SEVEN YEARS!!!! I couldn’t even watch a full-length movie on TV at home for at least 2 years after my brain injury.
In March I also tried stand-up paddleboarding in Costa Rice, and managed to actually stand up! We also went snorkeling, and unlike our 2018 trip to Hawaii, I didn’t have a panic attack in the water and I could swim on my own without my death grip leaving bruises on Josh’s arm. The last time we tried snorkeling I found it incredibly disorienting looking down at all the movement of fish below me, but this time was actually fun.
Next month I am traveling out of state for a week-long conference, by myself. It will be the first time I have traveled by myself since before my brain injury, and I’m nervous. As independent as I was before my crash, traveling solo internationally, it is hard to admit how much I now rely on my husband. The fact is that airports are still very overstimulating, and there are many times I put my head down with my noise-canceling headphones and just hold Josh’s arm as he guides me through. But it is time to put on my big girl pants, charge the downhill and hope I don’t land on my face.
This week begins the next big training push, and despite my nightmare last night, I’m pretty sure my coach isn’t actually trying to kill me. (I mean if I die he is going to lose a client, right?)
It is 17 weeks until the next TBI to 100 – Leadville.
