After 10 days in beautiful Hawaii, I’m so happy to be home…said no one ever.  Overall, my brain held up as well as I could realistically hope for, so I’ll call it a win. I was not without symptoms, but I was able to mostly enjoy myself.

Josh and I had a direct flight from Denver to Kona, and thanks to some CBD, I got through the flight without my usual anxiety. With the noise, vibration, and pressure changes, airplane travel can be quite overstimulating. Seven hours later I was, not surprisingly, fairly disoriented and ataxic, and  I’m sure I looked like I had one too many rum drinks on the flight. Somehow I managed to not fall down the stairs as we exited the plane, and the tiny (mostly outdoor) Kona airport was mercifully easier for my brain to handle than DIA.

For two days, Josh and I stayed on our own at a cute AirBnB up the mountain above Kona. The birds, crickets, and frogs put on quite the symphony up there, and although it wasn’t exactly quiet, it was incredibly relaxing to sit on the lanai and listen to them as we enjoyed the view.

On Saturday, we did some exploring, found a very quiet beach where we played in the water and managed to get sunburned right off the bat. We tried poke at Umeke’s (and were hooked for the rest of the trip), had an incredible dinner at Holuakoa Gardens, and I was feeling fairly recovered from our travels.

After a Sunday morning  trail run up in the cloud forest, we met up with the rest of the family at the rented house in Kona. With my 4 nephews screaming and playing in the pool, and all the adults having multiple conversations, my brain was cooked in short order. I was completely disoriented and lost in the house, and wanted to find a corner to cry. Josh and I took over a bedroom with two twin beds that my nephews had been in because it was the quietest, and I hid there for the rest of the day. We were pretty worried that I wasn’t going to be able to stay with the family for the next week, but by that evening I was able to come upstairs with my ear filters and Bose noise cancelling headphones and be a little more social.

Josh and my little brother rented bikes on Monday and rode the 112 miles of the Kona Ironman bike course, while my dad and I drove up past Hawi to hike the Polulu Valley and up the slick muddy trail on the other side to an overlook of the Honokane Nui Valley.  It was nice to have a quiet enjoyable day with just my dad, especially because that evening all 12 of us went to a luau, and that went pretty poorly. I held it together through dinner, but as soon as the sun went down and the dancing got started, it was too much. There were tiki torches all around us, which basically meant I was completely surrounded by flickering light, and even with my ear filters in, the music was way too loud. I couldn’t stay, and ended up leaving to hide in the quiet bathroom for a while, which FYI is not the first bathroom I have found myself hiding in. For the record, I consider bathroom hiding to be a key TBI life skill. Josh came looking for me, and ended up walking me over to some chairs near the beach to sit and wait for the luau to be over.

On the drive back to the house, Josh and I rode with my brothers and sister-in-laws. With the radio on, and all of them chatting, it was a good reminder of how little people understand my situation. Even my own family really doesn’t get it. They will probably read this, and I truly don’t blame them, they haven’t lived with me every day through the last three years like Josh. Yes, I could have asked them to turn the music off and stop talking, but when I am very symptomatic it is hard for my brain to even recognize my own needs. Plus, I get tired of asking everyone to constantly cater to my needs, so it is often easier to deal with feeling lousy. For the record, this isn’t a good strategy, and I would have been much better off letting them know what I need before we ever went on the trip.

Alright, if I go day by day, this post is going to take you an hour to read, so let me sum up the highlights.

My older brother had chest pains after a workout session his wife led, and spent a quality 24 hours in the hospital until they felt confident that he wasn’t having a heart attack..which would have put a damper on the trip. By the way Brian, if you are reading this, maybe next time you could do this at the END of the trip so we can all stay a little longer. I mean travel insurance covers medical emergencies, just saying. Meanwhile, one of my nephews had hallucinations from a scopalamine motion sickness patch, and we all ignored the crazy things he was saying for a couple of days until he was up all night crying about the teeth coming after him and my sister-in-law found hallucinations as a potential side effect of the patch and took it off the poor kid. We all felt bad for ignoring his crazy talk.

We took a boat ride out to the Molokini crater off Maui to snorkel and I had a complete panic attack getting into the water. I used to love snorkeling, and I told myself that I WAS GOING TO DO THIS.  It was a few minutes of clutching the boat and hyperventilating before Josh managed to calm me down. The water was not calm, but with a pool noodle under my arms for flotation, and a death grip on Josh’s arm, he paddled us around to look at the fish…while I left permanent dental imprints clenching my mouthpiece and told myself to breathe. The water at Molokini crater is very clear and we could see at least 100 feet, but I was disoriented and could only look at what was right in front of us. I was still shaking when I got out of the water, from both cold and fear.  We stopped at a second location with sea turtles, and it was a bit easier. Shockingly I actually did okay on the boat, although the world was rocking for a couple of days afterwards. So I did it, but I’m not in a big hurry to go snorkeling again soon unless the water is shallow and calm.

I survived the switchback heavy drive up to Haleakala, the big volcano on Maui. Josh and I went for a run down into the crater, which was incredibly diverse, progressing from lush and green to looking like another planet. Finishing up near the summit, we hitchhiked back down to our car.  Since we had started the run later in the day, by the time we finished, it wasn’t long until sunset and we figured as long as we were up there, we should stay to watch.

There were a couple of things we didn’t get a chance to do that warrant a return trip, not that we really need a reason to go back, because hello, its Hawaii.

1. Volcanoes National Park on the big island was closed due to the active eruption, so we did not get to go see the lava. Seeing an active lava flow was probably the most memorable part of Hawaii from my childhood trip, and I really wanted to share that with Josh.
2. On Maui, I would have loved to drive the road to Hana. I think I could have done it if I kept my eyes closed, but that somewhat defeats the purpose of a scenic drive.

The trip was wonderful. Yes there were some not so good times for my brain, but that is the reality of my life. Josh was there for me as always, tolerating the deathgrip on his arm and paddling me around to snorkel, letting me hold onto him every time we walked from the beach to play in the ocean as the waves tested my balance, reminding me to take a break from reading the guidebook, asking the family to turn down the radio, turn off the TV, turn off lights, asking my nephews to be quiet. He is always looking out for me and anticipating my needs. Even when no one else gets me, he does, and I am grateful for that.

Now we have 2 weeks until we head back to the Black Hills of South Dakota for the Black Hills 50 miler. It is almost like Hawaii, but without the ocean, or pineapple, and I’m fairly certain there are no good poke shops.

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-Kristin