In the middle of March, Josh and I sat with seven friends in the living room of the AirBnB we rented in Page, Arizona. We talked about the race we had just finished (the Antelope Canyon 55k), and as we shared stories over dinner, and read breaking news about COVID, we all had an ominous feeling about returning home the next day. It is kind of funny to look back at that moment – sweaty hugs at the finish line, casually sitting around together chatting, sharing food, probably tasting each other’s beer. Oh, how different life was about to become. We started quarantine after our travels. While Josh worked from home, I found myself wondering how to fill the day. After spending a year feeling as if life was finally returning to normal, it was hard to once again face the black hole of isolation. I’m not going to lie, it did become emotionally difficult, as it did for many people.

My last blog post focused on setting a goal and trying to take back control during this crazy time. A friend reached out last week to say that he had read that blog post, and was inspired to start a 100-day running streak. I had lots of ideas myself – including working towards a 6-minute mile and 10 “real” pushups, but those things didn’t happen. I wish I could say I was more productive for the last three months than I actually was, but if I truly look back, it wasn’t all wasted time.

Personal Accomplishments During 3 Months of COVID lockdown:

24 Hour Run Challenge – Run a set distance (we chose 5 miles) every 4 hours, except we added in one extra lap to make it 25 hours, and with some bonus mileage I completed 37 miles. Logging on to Zoom and harassing each other via text message, my running group kept each other motivated through the middle of the night segments. I will say that it is MUCH harder to run in segments this way than to simply go out and run 37 miles straight. Convincing yourself to get out of a comfy bed at 2 am to go run is a challenge. Kudos to all those that took part in this challenge, including my brother and even my nephew.

First time 50k – After her race was canceled, a friend asked if I would be willing to keep her company while she ran her first 50K. I roped in another friend, had Josh set up a couple of aid stations, and put together a fun course. She did great and finished with a smile, the way it should be. It was my 6th 50k of the year and made me consider a 12 month 50k streak. Pending some foot issues, this may or may not happen.

Vertical Challenge – Because the 24-hour challenge wasn’t enough, our running coach decided we should do a vertical challenge week. Although I had still been running, during lockdown I had been avoiding the crowded trails near the foothills of Boulder, and so my weekly vertical gain had not been over 5 or 6 thousand feet in months. So why not go crank out 20,000 vertical feet in one week? It was a week spent climbing the mountains around Boulder, some multiple times. The wildflowers were beautiful, and it made the hurt more enjoyable.

1st post brain injury baby blanket – Back in 2012, as I recovered from hip surgery, my two grandmothers taught me to knit and crochet. I learned to make blankets, scarves, baby booties, and hats. Shortly after my brain injury, I tried to crochet and found that I no longer had the focus or fine motor skills. COVID lockdown gave me the opportunity to finally sit down and really try again. It wasn’t fast, but I finished a baby blanket with a simple pattern and a forgiving chunky yarn that hides errors well. Now somebody just needs to have a Corona baby.

Professional Accomplishments During COVID:

Online CE – With a veterinary conference in Austin canceled, I watched a bunch of online webinars to accumulate my needed continuing education hours for the year.

The rest of my professional COVID accomplishments probably need a little backstory…

During the last few years of recovery from brain injury, I gained a new insight regarding animal behavior.  My experiences gave me more patience and a higher degree of empathy for the pets and clients I care for. The first year after my brain injury, I sat in the basement of a friend’s house on the Fourth of July and cried during the fireworks. Even though I knew the world wasn’t ending and they were just fireworks, every explosion terrified me. I have so many other stories of panic and terror from the past few years in response to very innocuous situations. Although these fears were irrational, that didn’t change my emotional response.

Fear is real. It doesn’t matter how much we think a pet is overreacting, we cannot tell them it is fine and simply expect the fear to go away.  They are not drama queens. They are not stupid. They are scared. No other person (or pet) experiences life the same way we do. We cannot expect everyone to share the same responses either. While I could go on and on, I’ll be sharing a post soon about how brain injury made me a better veterinarian, so I’ll save it for then. Behavior isn’t the professional road I planned to follow, but then again, brain injury wasn’t my idea either. With that in mind, I completed my Fear Free Certification and signed up for Dr. Susan Friedman’s 9-week course, Living and Learning with Animals. Even more importantly, I connected with mentors to identify a path forward in veterinary behavior, and I finally joined AVSAB – the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior.

What is next?

Shortly before I returned to work last year Josh came home from a boy’s night out waxing philosophical about life goals. He asked me what I would do if I could do anything. I told him if I could have anything, I wanted my pre-TBI life back. He said, “No, in the bigger picture, what do you want to be doing in 10 years?” At the time it was a crushing question. I was thrilled to finally be recovered enough to go back to work part-time. The question felt like a slap in the face and lead to a conversation involving a lot of crying. At that moment I felt as if I had been digging myself out of a hole for 4 years. From the bottom of a hole, it is really hard to see anything beyond the walls of that hole. It was like asking me to contemplate what lies at the top of a mountain when I didn’t even know there was a mountain. My only goal was to crawl my way back to the surface and I couldn’t even begin to fathom anything beyond that point.

I return to work at the clinic at the end of the week. It will be different than it was three months ago, with masks, and curbside pet dropoffs, to limit contact with clients.  At the end of July, I will start Living and Learning with Animals for 9 weeks, and if my brain can handle that course, I am looking at further opportunities such as a certificate in Applied Animal Behavior from the University of Washington, or *gasp* the possibility of an extended non-traditional residency in animal behavior.

After 3 months of COVID life, a 6 minute mile and 10 real pushups are still elusive, but it wasn’t all wasted time. I have managed to set myself up on a new professional path, and although I still don’t know what the “top of the mountain” looks like, I have been out of the TBI hole for long enough that I know a mountain exists. I’m ready to start walking, and we will see where this path leads.