Last week, Josh and returned home after running 93 miles on the Wonderland Trail. If you missed that post, you can read all about that amazing trip at this link. Because I tend to see cognitive benefits after my big runs, I was feeling great until everything came crashing down over the weekend.
In addition to Like Minded, the TBI Yoga and support group I run, I am also part of a TBI support group on social media. This weekend I made a comment on that page, and now I realize I need to change my perspective, but first, here is a little background.
Last Friday I wanted to attend a TBI lunch & lecture down in Aurora with the Brain Injury Hope Foundation. The last time I went, I took a bus to Union Station, then light rail, then Lyft to get to finally get to the venue two hours later. The lunch & lecture is 2.5 hours long, and the route home took another 2 hours. It made for a long, mentally exhausting day, and I wanted a faster option. With my post-long run happy brain in full effect, I was feeling invincible and decided I could handle the drive. Taking the most direct route, it is a 45 minute drive. Not being quite brave enough to tackle I-25, I opted for a less direct route that would take an hour.
I made it to the venue a bit spent, but not completely wrecked. However, my brain was frazzled enough that the lecture wasn’t all that enjoyable, and I was still facing the drive back home. My plan, as I explained to Josh, had been to stop a few times on the way there and on the way back to give my brain some breaks. What I discovered, however, was that because I did not have a plan in place for WHERE to stop, I wasn’t able to make that decision while driving and drove straight through. By the time I arrived back home I was exhausted, crying, and in full toddler meltdown mode.
The next two days were ugly. I woke up with migraines, spent hours in bed all day, and accomplished nothing. I felt horrible and that is what led to my previously mentioned post on social media. In the post I explained what happened on Friday, how wrecked I was, and finished with this:
Sometimes it is so hard to convince myself to try and do more,
to push my limits, when this is so often the result.
It is true. Often there is a feeling of permanence. A feeling that this will never get better. It will never go away. Every time I try to do more, I end up miserable. So why try? Why not just accept my limitations and live within that space?
Last night I was sitting in the living room playing with Kili. I threw his ball up and he did a backflip, caught the ball, but landed flat on his back. He jumped right up and brought the ball back for me to throw again. Kili is obsessed with his ball, and when it is thrown, he goes for it. He doesn’t stop to think how he will land, and he didn’t want to stop playing because he landed on his back.
I realized that once again, I need to take a lesson from my dog. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should be proud of myself for trying. The fact I even thought I could handle the drive was a HUGE step! A year ago I wouldn’t have even considered it a possibility. Yes, I was completely wrecked for days by the end, but I drove myself to Aurora and back again. I DID THE BACKFLIP. Now, I need to work out the landing. Driving to Aurora was probably overambitious, as it was considerably farther than I have driven, but I tried, and now I know I shouldn’t drive that far…yet. Next time, I need to pick places ahead of time where I can stop the car and take breaks.
For months, I’ve been on the fence about Run Rabbit Run 100, but I’m off the fence now. I needed inspiration to tackle another 100 miler, and I found it. As I have said from the beginning of this blog – do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. I am capable of running far longer than I can drive, and so even if I am not ready to drive 35 miles, I am ready to run 100 miles. One month from now, you can find me in Steamboat Springs for my third TBI to 100. Let’s do this!
Stay tuned, as I am still working on the promised post about nutritional supplements for TBI, and I’ll try to get to that soon.
As always, don’t forget to subscribe to the blog so you don’t miss any updates. Feel free to comment, ask questions, or contact me.
-Kristin
