For those new to the blog, you can read more about my story here. It has been 3.5 years since I sustained a traumatic brain injury in a bike crash, and I am now finally back on the bike. Recently, I had someone ask why, after everything, I have been through, would I take the risk of getting back on the bike. Why wouldn’t I simply be content with running and leave it at that? Why put me at risk of another crash, another brain injury, which could be even worse? The question came from a place of concern, and while difficult to answer, I’m going to make an attempt.

In the simplest form, the answer is two-fold. The first being – there are many ways to sustain a brain injury, and riding a bike is far from the most common. The second part – I enjoy riding. While these answers are basically what I shared with the person that asked, there really is a lot more behind my “why”.

Back in 2010, I purchased a road bike a few months before our wedding. Josh was a cyclist when we met, and the rides he did sounded long, difficult, and fun. As I gained fitness and confidence with my new hobby, we had a blast logging the miles together. Two weeks before our wedding, we rode the Triple Bypass, a 120-mile ride with 10,000 feet of climbing over three mountain passes. For years after that, we spent long days exploring new areas by two wheels and taking incredible cycling vacations. I loved the sense of accomplishment after reaching the summit of a big mountain pass, and then flying down the other side, reaching speeds of 30, 40, and even 50 mph. Whether it was simply exploring new routes close to home, or freezing our butts off coming down steep European mountain passes in the rain, we have shared thousands of miles together. The time we have spent playing on two wheels has formed some of our fondest memories, and I want to be able to build more of those memories together. I honestly don’t know if I will ever be able to ride the way I used to, but I do know it won’t happen unless I put some work towards that goal.

Through the past few years, I have met a ton of wonderful people with brain injuries. While I do know several folks that were injured while biking, I would say there are far more folks in our support group involved in motor vehicle accidents. I also know several people who slipped on the ice, and someone who had a box fall off a shelf and on their head. According to the CDC, of the 2.8 million traumatic brain injuries that were reported in 2013 in the US,  47% of these were due to falls. Traffic incidents, which encompasses an even smaller percentage of bike crashes, only made up 14%, which is slightly less than 15% that accidentally hit their head on an object or had something fall down on to their head. My point is that there is risk in everything we do.  We can take every precaution, and sometimes bad things still happen. For 6 years I rode my bike without incident, and I’m not willing to let one crash ruin all the fun.

Up until a few months ago, I haven’t spent much time on the bike, because I didn’t feel it was safe. My reaction time was slow, my balance wasn’t good, and trying to ride made me feel disoriented. With the improvements I’ve made, I’m now riding more because I feel it is finally safe enough to put in the work. Vision remains my biggest issue on (and off) the bike. The light-shadow-light-shadow strobe effect as I ride past trees still makes me feel dizzy, and repetitive patterns of fences or guard rails bother me. However, I can now tolerate these enough to keep my eyes open…which seems like a plus.  Because my peripheral vision is decreased, I have to look over my shoulder several times before I trust that nothing is there and it is clear to change lanes. I am being cautious, and it is getting easier. Now I’m finally even comfortable enough that I can reach down and grab my water bottle for a drink without having to stop!

I’ve been asked if I am afraid. Do I wonder if I’ll crash again and have to start my recovery all over, or possibly be even worse than I was? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it (especially as that *%^&*#* prairie dog ran across the trail and somehow managed to run directly between my wheels on Monday), but I’m not willing to give up all the potential fun miles with the best cycling partner in the world.  I am getting out on two wheels again, and in doing so I am choosing to take the risk, because the rewards are so sweet.

While I have mostly been going out for easy rides and trying to increase the miles and time spent on the bike, it is now time for me to pick it up and start seriously training. I’m ready for more climbing and faster paces. This weekend, after the Collegiate Peaks 25 miler trail run on Saturday, I got the new bike out on gravel where she belongs, and although she needs some minor adjustments, it felt really good. Shimano and Donnelly set me up well, and I am thankful for the support. She is a beautiful rig and I can’t wait for the adventures to come.

G//C carbon frameset in gray, a gravel specific frame made by Donnelly Cycling.

Shimano Ultegra RX

Shimano Acceleration Concept Tubeless Wheel

X’Plor MSO 700 x 40 Donnelly Tires